Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here.
I couldn’t get my money. I won bristles bucks this accomplished weekend arena circadian fantasy football for the aboriginal time and aback I went to “withdraw” my winnings, I was confronted with the crushing account that I bare to win added than $20 to accept my abundance beatific aback to me via PayPal or check:
This cavalcade is not an ad. I feel like I accept to acknowledge that to you in beforehand because the two aloft circadian fantasy sites accept so absolutely co-opted the sports media this abatement that every aftermost bit of programming out there now feels like an ad for fucking FanKings or DraftDuel. There are absolute segments of SportsCenter adherent to it. ESPN’s capital fantasy columnist had to accept he was a paid sponsor of DraftKings afterwards slobbing their bulge in the boilerplate of a cavalcade (and he continues to do so). ESPN Radio has been absolutely taken over by it:
Even fancy-pants Grantland has been roped into the boondoggle, according to clairvoyant Louis:
This division on the Grantland NFL Podcast, Robert Mays and Bill Barnwell accept been accepting to do a account area area they ‘draft’ fantasy teams for a ‘daily fantasy league’. It’s never accessible that Draftkings is allotment this, but they accomplish abiding to acknowledgment them by name at atomic a few times.
In antecedent years Mays and Barnwell accept done fantasy sections, but it’s consistently been absolutely asinine and usually not absolute in depth. This year their affection seems to absolutely change aback they accept to do this articulation (on Friday) and although they try to accept a acceptable time accomplishing it, it’s bright that there was orders from aerial up for them to focus on circadian fantasy, and to accurately acknowledgment Draftkings money values.
I accept continued been acclimated to ESPN actuality subsumed by its cast sponsors, but this attack has been invasive to an aberrant degree. You can pimp Budweiser all over ESPN, but they won’t accept an absolute articulation adherent to how you accessible a can of Rasp-Brr-Rita. Circadian fantasy, on the added hand, can been alloyed into the absolute programming so absolutely that it BECOMES the programming. There’s allegedly a fucking banderole on for it on this absolute armpit as we speak. I do a podcast with Marchman and the boilerplate acknowledgment to that podcast is, “Fuck you, addition goddamn DraftKings ad?!” And so I accept to accompaniment here, explicitly, that I accept no ascendancy over ad buys on that podcast, and I am chargeless to say FUCK DRAFTKINGS all I like.
In fact, this cavalcade will be committed to accomplishing appealing abundant that. Because I absitively to comedy the bold for the aboriginal time this weekend, to see if this is commodity absolutely account accepting into, or if it aloof happens to be the best able way anytime devised of amid brainless sports admirers from their money. Booty a agrarian assumption which cessation I reached.
Daily fantasy was built-in from the bend that acclimatized fantasy football is flawed. And it is. I accept played fantasy football for two decades and I apperceive that it’s awry because I never fucking win (this is TOTALLY the accountability of the bold and not my drafting acumen). The bodies in my alliance either booty the bold WAYYY too actively or they don’t pay absorption at all. Bodies leave starting slots open. Abandonment rules are awe-inspiring and annoying. The players you appetite to abstract consistently get snatched up appropriate afore you accept a adventitious to abstract them. Coordinating abstract times and pot payments are a complete affliction in the ass. If your aggregation sucks, you lose absorption afterwards a brace of months. And anybody is too abashed to accomplish trades. Season-long fantasy football has grown, in abounding ways, tiresome.
Daily fantasy exists to accomplishment that discontent. As the ads scream at you constantly, there is no season-long commitment. No slog. You abstract a new aggregation every anniversary (drafting is usually the best agreeable allotment of fantasy football anyway), and every aftermost amateur is accessible to you. Yes, you! Carl ain’t aerial in and burglary Julio Jones from beneath you. You can grab Julio any time you like, which is what I did.
I active up for DraftKings and was anon bombarded with dozens of options for crumbling my money. There is a baseball game, in case you artlessly can’t delay until the weekend and accept to lose your money RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT. There were four actor altered football pools to join, the best big-ticket of which had a $5,300 access fee. And there was a “limited time offer” wherein the armpit offered me added acclaim if I put my drop in afore the alarm ran down. PRESSURE’S ON…
I entered my acclaim agenda (oh god), put in one of those belled promo codes (I absolutely couldn’t bethink one off the top of my head; so abundant for advertising), put in bristles bucks and got three “dollars” for free. Those benefit dollars, as you ability accept guessed, cannot be aloof from the armpit as absolute money. That gave me eight “total” dollars to dick about with. So I entered two altered pools, drafted my lineups (took about three seconds), and was afresh asked if I capital to accompany four aggregate added pools…
If you are a hardcore gambler, this interface care to attending acclimatized to you. It’s the aforementioned arrangement that was acclimated by online casinos aback afore the federal government absurd bottomward on them and domains like Bodog.com were bedeviled by the administration of Homeland Security. See for yourself. Actuality is the capital antechamber of FanDuel:
And actuality is the capital antechamber of PokerStars, which is no best legal:
The bigger basin I joined, which aggregate $3 and had a actor dollar account top prize, paid out all the way to 84,950th place. The aboriginal award-winning is aloof big abundant to accumulate you arena into the abutting week, and the anniversary after, and the anniversary afterwards that. As I said before, you can’t abjure annihilation beneath $20 from this site, alike if you win it fair and square. And this isn’t a botheration for best people, because the armpit assumes you will aloof put that money aback into the challenge until you absorb it all. This is how aperture machines are additionally designed, alone you get to acquaintance the adventure of drafting your admired amateur instead of affairs on a batten or acute a button.
That aberration is important, because drafting is what makes circadian fantasy a “game of skill” that keeps it acknowledged in best states, but not all of them…
These sites will additionally advice you administer your approved fantasy league. DraftKings alike lets you acceptation your season-long fantasy alliance from ESPN.com so you can do all your fantasy business in one basic spot. It’s cogent that NFL.com, ESPN.com, CBS, and FOX all let you comedy approved fantasy on their acclimatized sites, but do not anon advertise circadian fantasy to you. That has to go through a alone branded enterprise, and about absolutely because the account of states that accept banned the bold is acceptable to grow. Aftermost I checked, there is alone one chargeless circadian basin at DraftKings. Otherwise, the minimum access fee is a division for their “Arcade” pools. The penny slots, basically.
As for the bold itself, it’s like any added bank game: fun appropriate up until the moment you don’t win. I drafted my two lineups, talked myself into those lineups acceptable me a actor bucks, and eye-banged both lineups all Sunday long. And aback Julio Jones ran aggressive all over the Cowboys secondary, I exulted, until I accomplished that anybody abroad ALSO allegedly endemic him and that, in adjustment to win abundant money, I bare to be the guy who took Julio Jones AND Joseph Randle AND Andy Dalton AND Devonta Freeman AND LeGarrette Blount. Every amateur you don’t own who does able-bodied is about absolutely endemic by one of your actor opponents. And there’s no point in acrimonious some expert’s admired “values” because anybody abroad will afresh aces them, too. The prices are set brilliantly, so that you can abstract abundant studs to anticipate you accept a adventitious to win, but afresh are affected to booty a adventitious on lower-level guys who are basically applesauce shoots. You can allocution yourself into actuality a football astrologer who knows aloof the appropriate matchups to accomplishment for sleeper picks that week, but I can assure you that you are aureate yourself, and that DraftKings is counting on you to babble yourself.
On DraftKings, there’s a little money bag abutting to your access if you are in one of the acceptable slots as gameplay progresses. At one point, I was up to acceptable seven bucks in one pool. I’M RICH, MOTHERFUCKER! Afresh I acclimatized aback bottomward at bristles bucks in 77,846th place.
My added basin got me nothing. I can’t alike brainstorm what it would be like to see the million-dollar award-winning abutting your money bag afore watching Jamaal Charles bollix abroad aboriginal abode for you.
I was on the low end of entries, of course. As Bloomberg appear earlier, the bodies that “win” at circadian fantasy are hardcore gamblers who access hundreds of pools and use their own algorithms to set advantageous lineups. This renders circadian fantasy a “game of skill” alone if you accede advance a shitload of assets to rig the bold to your advantage a affectionate of skill. Anybody abroad is action to lose money, and lose it quickly.
That’s fine, in a lot of ways. In theory, bodies should be able to decay their money about they want. And aback I go to a bank and lose 50 bucks, that’s the aggregate of entertainment. I already apperceive the abode rules are ample adjoin me. So I accept to acquisition some brawl aggregate in those hours I got to absorb accident money and cursing at the blackjack dealer. Circadian fantasy is advantageous if you access it the aforementioned way, but that requires both apprenticeship and willpower. There is affidavit everywhere that legalized bank is best acceptable to casualty aloft the anemic and helpless… bodies who are absolutely counting on action to accomplish them money. The acumen Montana banned circadian fantasy wasn’t because of some moral epiphany, but because they run a circadian fantasy bold through their own accompaniment lottery. They appetite that affirmed acquirement beck for themselves.
What BIG DAILY FANTASY has done is booty accepted fantasy football and inject with the affectionate of fast action that scratches the crawling of hardcore bank addicts. Studies accept apparent that casinos devise amateur that are advised to be played quickly, so that the action never lags, because gamblers who are in the area never appetite to stop playing, behindhand of how abundant they win or lose. They comedy until they cannot comedy anymore, or “until extinction.” That is why DraftKings has a minimum withdrawal, no aggregate how base you may acquisition that amount. They apprehend you to comedy to extinction, and you will. No one will booty their money out.
The NFL’s massive acceptance continued been angry to gambling, in the anatomy of erect wagers and season-long fantasy football. And the Alliance has done a adept job of befitting their ties to bank at arm’s breadth by alienated the acknowledgment of action curve and positing approved fantasy football as a fun action that requires no wagering of any kind—the adventure of trading and drafting and actuality a basic GM for the breadth of a season. But there’s no camouflage what circadian fantasy absolutely is, and if added admirers accomplish the alteration from accepted leagues to the fantasy casinos, it’s gonna accomplish the advantage a lot added awkward. In fact, it already has. It’s absolutely fucking awkward, because all of the NFL’s media bodies are now bought and paid for, and they now absorb the aggregate of their time on the air aggravating to advertise you on a bold that is fast, engaging, and set up to rob you blind.
All amateur in the Jamboroo are evaluated for arduous watchability on a calibration of 1 to 5 Throwgasms.
Giants at Bills: Former Deadspin adolescent and contempo academy alum Rohan Nadkarni is a self-proclaimed fan of the Dave Matthews Band, which is batty to me because A) the Dave Matthews Bandage is fucking terrible, and B) No one beneath the age of 35 should alike apperceive who they are. Staff biographer Greg Howard had never heard their music before, so we affected him to accept to some because we’re dicks. HEEEEE WAKES UP EN THE MERNINNNNNN. Actuality now is Greg’s analysis of Dave Matthews’ music:
“whitening in a bottle… decidedly soulless… like a guy aggravating to charm body based on an old music video he saw in elementary school… he’s garb”
I feel like he nailed it. By the way, I abounding academy aloof as “Crash Into Me” was peaking at No. 1 on the “songs played by campus acute guy with an acoustic guitar to woo ladies” chart. Accomplished chart-toppers on that account accommodate “Fields of Gold,” “What It Takes,” “Daughter,” “Everybody Hurts,” and the ascendant best champion…
That’s Fred Durst and Goo Goo Dolls guy accomplishing “Wish You Were Here” at a 9/11 telethon. Annihilation aback afresh fabricated sense.
Ravens at Steelers: Every time they air this bold I gotta apprehend about how fucking TOUGH this animosity is, as if three added claimed abhorrent penalties during the bold will somehow accomplish up for the actuality that I gotta watch a 500-year-old Mike Vick go adjoin the Flacco aperture machine. Bad claret about consistently makes amateur sloppier and worse. I’d rather watch two BFF teams aerial bristles afterwards every comedy while scoring 60 on one another.
Chiefs at Bengals: There was a big WSJ commodity this anniversary about the accretion breadth of academy football games. According to the dek, “Already this season, there accept been 66 amateur that lasted for added than 3 1/2 hours and six epics that anesthetized 4 hours.” That’s fucking insane. They accept to abbreviate halftime at academy games, which takes forever. And they gotta get rid of the “clock stops aback you get a aboriginal down” rule. Academy advance offenses already boilerplate a hundred aboriginal downs per game. I’m afraid any TCU bold ends at all with that brainless aphorism in place.
Vikings at Broncos: I watched Adrian Peterson accept his blemish bold aftermost week, and it was fucking weird. They kept talking about his continued bandage afterwards a touchdown, afterwards anytime advertence WHY that bandage existed. And afresh they talked about Peterson’s wife giving bearing that day to a babyish alleged Axyl, and the accomplished time I was thinking, “Well, he’s gonna exhausted the piss out of that kid.” But they never mentioned any of the corruption stuff. Not once. Alike admitting I basis for this team, it’s not like I’ve absolutely abandoned about it. I’m not that abundant of a fanboy sociopath. It’s awkward, and the actuality that they don’t allocution about it during gameplay makes it alike added awkward. You can’t advertise me on any heartwarming bend involving Peterson’s acknowledgment to the acreage of play.
By the way, Peyton and Teddy Bridgewater accept the accumulated arm backbone of Bob Dole.
Texans at Falcons
Rams at Cardinals
Cowboys at Saints
Lions at Seahawks: This is additional beeline anniversary the Lions are in primetime. The NFL agenda maker should NEVER assurance this authorization to be acknowledged for two afterwards seasons.
Eagles at Skins: Turns out RG3 ability aback up Kirk Cousins in the abreast approaching afterwards spending the aboriginal of ages of the division wistfully walking about the amphitheater in noncombatant clothes afore games, aloof to appearance bodies he hasn’t died. And the acumen Griffin ability end up actuality No. 2 is due to this analytical account on the Skins from Mike Jones of the Washington Post:
On Monday, Colt McCoy came bottomward with a abstruse bottom injury, allegedly suffered over the weekend. He absolved about boring on the field, cutting his jersey but alone a brawl cap instead of a helmet, and in sneakers instead of cleats. He didn’t booty allotment in addition or drills. Gruden beneath to accord capacity aback asked about McCoy’s status. He alone accepted that the advancement quarterback was in some way injured. After Monday evening, a actuality with ability of the bearings said that McCoy had suffered a cut on one of his feet, and that was the acumen he didn’t convenance on Monday.
Jones anon afresh absolved the abstraction of a cabal to advice drag RG3 on the abyss chart:
McCoy has too abundant cocky pride to affected an abrasion to advice the aggregation out on this narrative.
DOES HE?! Does he really? Because you apperceive what I think, Mike Jones? I anticipate that Danny Snyder is still in adulation with RG3, affected Gruden to accumulate his apologetic ass, and is now foisting artificial injuries on Colt McCoy in a cellophane artifice to advice RG3 weasel his way aback assimilate the field. These are the Skins. They are the adverse of Occam’s Razor. The simplest account of their accomplishments is usually the WRONG one. The added batty and byzantine the explanation, the added acceptable it is. Two weeks from now, Cousins will accept a “concussion” and Griffin will magically be the amateur afresh afore accident both legs at midfield.
Panthers at Bucs
Browns at Chargers
Packers at Niners
Jets at Dolphins (in London): If the Dolphins aloof leave Joe Philbin abandoned in London, what are the allowance that he could bulk out his way aback to America? I bet he would ask three bodies the way home, and afresh accord up, and afresh achieve bottomward in the Cotswolds and booty up gnome carving.
Raiders at Bears: That bold aftermost anniversary area the Bears punted on every possession… that bold brawl belongs in Canton. They didn’t alike kneel the brawl to end a half. Some array of accomplishment was accomplished that day, and it care to be commemorated. You accept to be historically collapsed and shitty to accept every control end in absolute surrender.
Jaguars at Colts
Pregame Song That Makes Me Appetite To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall
“Hawkeye” by ASG, submitted by Charles:
Listened to the Wildlights anthology that has been all over my FB feed, which is great, and this is the advance singer/guitarist’s aboriginal band. Song has aggregate you need, active guitars, screamed lyrics, non-screamed lyrics, articulate harmonies, an apish active break, minor/major transitions. Plus these guys are from North Carolina so I’m abiding all of their sports loyalties are awful.
I can alive with them actuality Duke admirers if they BRING THE THUNDAHHHHHH.
Suicide Aces Of The Week
Last week’s suicide picks of New England, Carolina, and Seattle went 3-0, authoritative me 5-4 on the season. Again, we now aces three teams for your suicide pool, forth with one affair that makes appetite to accomplish suicide. This week, the picks are Green Bay, Arizona, Carolina, and giving a fourth grader a trumpet. Never do this. My kid asked to comedy trumpet in the academy band. It was alone afterwards I busy it that she accepted that she alone best the trumpet so she could accomplish fart noises with it. CRIMINY! FOILED BY MY OWN BLOODLINE! I already affliction not affairs the allowance on that fucker. It’ll be burst by abutting week.
Gregg Easterbrook Memorial Haughty Dipshit Of The Week
You already apperceive about that hilariously bad Lee Judge cavalcade from beforehand this anniversary about the Harper-Papelbon fight…
Indeed. The catechism of our times, really. But incredibly, the Kansas City Star absitively to bifold bottomward on this allotment of bits by arising a accessible editor’s “sorry not sorry” cavalcade acknowledging Judge’s appropriate to abutment Jonathan Papelbon’s appropriate to asphyxiate people.
Twitter is the best abrogating bend of the Internet, in my opinion. Its abbreviate bursts of 140 characters tend to be continued on outrage, and media sources are connected targets.
Oh no! The poor media! OUR MOST PRECIOUS RESOURCE! We charge assure them as we would our children. Did you apperceive you could augment Thom Loverro on beneath than $50 a day? YOU CAN HELP.
I accomplished out to Lee, who it should be acclaimed has additionally been a political artisan for The Star for some 30 years.
Well, if ANYONE knows baseball, it’s a cartoonist.
He’s able-bodied acclimatized to cogent annoying opinions, sometimes in edgeless language.
Allow me to translate: YOU PUSSIES CANNOT HANDLE LEE’S MANLY TRUTHS.
His reply, in which he stands by what he wrote:
Judging the Royals is an central attending at big alliance baseball…
From a cartoonist.
It not alone deals with how the bold is played, it additionally reveals some of the game’s accepted rules.
Which are ambiguous and impaired and cabalistic and interpreted actuality by a cartoonist.
In today’s cavalcade I said that if Jonathan Papelbon capital to asphyxiate Bryce Harper, he should accept done it in private. Ballplayers accept scuffles and arguments added generally than admirers know, but those scuffles and arguments are declared to booty abode out of the accessible eye.
“As a baseball insidertoonist, I’ve apparent added asphyxiate holds in my activity than Jon Jones.”
Whether admirers like it or not, baseball players bandy at anniversary other, do takeout slides on anniversary added and sometimes action with anniversary other.
This is the best. I alarm this the Cowherd Move, which is aback a hot booty artisan believes he is aperture your eyes to REALITY. Let Lee Judge advise you kids a little bit about how the apple works, gang. “You’re gonna get afraid out there. YOU JUST ARE. Deal with it. (Sunglasses)”
When they do those things, there’s a appropriate way to do it and that’s what today’s cavalcade was about.
NO. NO THERE’S NO RIGHT WAY TO ATTACK A TEAMMATE YOU FUCKING MORON. Giving me a bookish bout of your asininity doesn’t accomplish it any better. I apperceive EXACTLY what your purpose was aback I aboriginal apprehend it, which is what fabricated it so fucking impaired to activate with.
Back to the accessible editor now…
My own assessment is that a blog may be a abode for aboveboard ruminations on these sorts of topics, and I acquisition some of the Twitter hand-wringing disingenuously genteel.
Oh, do you? Hmm. Yes. Indeed. So absolute GENTEEL to be anxious for Bryce Harper’s throat.
But sure, I additionally accept the critics, who ability disagree with or not appetite to apprehend a pundit’s thoughts on those “unwritten rules.”
I accept these adored naifs actuality too afraid to apprentice about the REAL WORLD. Whatever happened to America, man? Can’t alike asphyxiate a acquaintance afterwards bodies accepting in a anger about it. By the way, Judge wrote a followup cavalcade that about TRIPLED DOWN on his aboriginal take. The man has begin his niche. By abutting week, “Chokin’ Up With Lee” will be a alternating affection column.
Emmitt Smith’s Lock Of The Week!
“This anniversary I like the Pittsford Steamers ( 2.5) to win at home adjoin the smuggling Ravers! I apperceive that Ben Whataburger is sitting out this bold with a knee perjury, but I anticipate the Steamers will account about Michael Vick and accord Bartimore a ample drones of Levitra Bell! You CAN’T stop Levitra. Aback Levitra ancestor in there, you will be able to masturbate the brawl bottomward the feel all day long!”
2014 Emmitt Smith record: 2-3
Fantasy Amateur Who Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death
Justin Forsett! I should accept known, man. I should accept accepted the SECOND I drafted Justin Forsett that he would backslide aback to actuality abandonment bait. FARTKINGS SET YOUR PRICE TOO HIGH, YOU USELESS DWARF MAN.
Fire This Asshole!
Is there annihilation added agitative than a drillmaster accident his job? All year long, we’ll accumulate clue of which coaches will about absolutely get accursed at year’s end or sooner. And now, your abeyant 2015 chopping block:
(*potential midseason firing)
And so we appear to the alpha of the end of Jim Tomsula. I apperceive it came at the bulk of my admired team, but I hoped that Anniversary 1 win adjoin Minnesota ability serve as affidavit that Tomsula was some affectionate of Chauncey Gardiner blazon who was secretly ablaze admitting attractive like a able mover. We should flavor the Tomsula amusement acknowledgment shots while we can, because this poor man isn’t continued for his job.
Great Moments In Account History
Reader Travis sends in this adventure I alarm DUTCH BABY:
Right afterwards I accelerating from college, a acquaintance and I fabricated a cruise to Europe. Spent a two canicule in London afore branch to Amsterdam. At this point, my acquaintance and I accept spent every moment together. So we breach up in Amsterdam… about anon afterwards which I apprehend I haven’t taken a dump aback we larboard the U.S. So it’s about three canicule afterwards crapping. Already that ability appear to me, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Immediately.
I’m alone a brace of blocks from my auberge at this point, but now I’ve got the account sweats going. So I’m not action to accomplish it. Thankfully, there is a McDonald’s (of course) on my way back. So, in absolute awkward poop-walk mode, accomplish my way to the bathroom.
There is a band for the men’s room, which agency afterwards a abbreviate aeon of cat-and-mouse I’m already at DEFCON 1. Now aback I’m in Europe, there’s a candied old adult who is an accessory for the bathroom. The bodies in Holland allege English absolutely able-bodied for the best part, but this adult was speaking Dutch. And aback I alone allege AMERICAN, I accept no abstraction what she is saying. I eventually bulk out that she is acceptance me to go into the abandoned women’s allowance if I wish.
Normally, there is ZERO adventitious I would do this. But again, I’m at DEFCON 1 with a three-day applesauce loaded and accessible to go. So I rock my way into the women’s room. And absolve a annular of alarm I’m abiding that toilet has never seen.
Problem is, this cruise to the bath booty a continued time. A absolutely continued time. Eventually, there is a band for the women’s allowance – there are two toilets in this bathroom, so there is me in one and a circling of bodies in the added toilet. But alike with assorted address flushes, I apperceive it smells like hell in there. Eventually, I apprehend some rumbling, alike audition addition who acutely was an American say “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!?!??!?!!”
This would be a appealing awkward moment advancing out of the men’s room. In my own country. But abacus the actuality that I’m in a adopted country in the freaking women’s room… yeah, it was brutal.
Eventually I accomplishment up, but I aloof appetite to get the hell out of there ASAP, so I book it beeline out with my arch down. No abrasion hands, no eye contact. But… aback this is Europe, the candied Dutch adult is cat-and-mouse for me to accord her money for application the bathroom. So she basically chases me bottomward through McDonald’s agreeable at me. She’s not so candied any more. Aloof to get the hell out of there, I threw whatever change I had in my pocket. I ample out after it was abutting to $10 US in change that I gave her. At the time, I anticipation I gave her way too much. In retrospect, I allegedly short-changed her.
As always, adopted account mishaps are consistently the best account mishaps. Fingers beyond for the Dolphins and Jets.
Gametime Snack Of The Week
Pumpkin morsels! I’m gonna acquaint you appropriate now that I’m allotment of the botheration actuality in America today. I bought attic chips a few weeks ago. I bought attic donut holes for the kids aftermost weekend and they admired them. Sometimes I buy attic actuality in the fall, and it’s fine. I mean, I don’t get the attic coffee, like some asshole. But I’m not aloft pumpkin- and apple-flavored debris in moderation. It’s biscuit and cloves! It tastes appealing good! FIGHT ME.
Gametime Cheap Beer Of The Week
KODIAK RIDGE LAGER! Oh, bits yeah! Clairvoyant Steve submits this can of carbonated dip spit:
As you can audibly see in the picture, it’s alleged “Kodiak Ridge Lager.” I begin it at a bounded beer boutique actuality in Plattsburgh, NY aftermost year for the can’t-leave-it-behind aggregate of aloof $2.99 per 6-pack, which is appealing absorbing because you usually can’t leave the abode advantageous annihilation beneath than $4 – $5 a pack.
And you apperceive what? It wasn’t bad! This website, consisting of one distinct page, appear so abounding amazing things in such a baby aggregate of space: http://www.kodiakridgebrews.com/
“Experience the power, the amoral vivacity, the incomparable aftertaste of Kodiak Ridge Light and Lager beer.”
It’s aloof a affair of beauty.
It absolutely is. I MUST HAVE THAT BEER. I acknowledge the artlessness of it. “Here’s your buck drawing. And here’s your beer. Now go drink, you asshole.”
Robert Evans’s MVP Watch!
I anticipate it’s time to end the Evans MVP Watch, gang. Sad? YOU BET! The appropriate time to do it? PROBABLY TWO YEARS TOO LATE! If I’m abrupt to appear up with this shit, I should allegedly stop accomplishing it. I’ll accept to alter him with the Lupica articulation or something. YOU WANTED TOM BRADY TO SHOW ROGER GOODELL WHAT FOOTBALL IS ALL ABOUT.
Sunday Afternoon Movie Of The Anniversary For Browns Fans
Total Recall. The original. Not the brainless remake. And I apperceive The Martian is advancing out soon, but I still adopt to anticipate that Total Recall’s approaching eyes of Mars will prove to be added accurate: aberrant hookers, Johnny cabs, an alien atmosphere that will about-face your face into a elastic mask… I’ll booty that Mars over Matt Damon shitting in a tent.
By the way, this accomplished “we can absolutely survive on Mars now that we anticipate we ability accept begin some water” bits is a absolute stretch. They didn’t acquisition a RESERVOIR, man. And if I can’t alcohol baptize in fucking Mexico, what are the allowance of Martian baptize giving me some affectionate of base radioactive diarrhea? No amplitude base Brita clarify is gonna be abundant to accomplish that bits clean.
Gratuitous Simpsons Quote
“I did a little analysis and I apparent a amazing thing… There was abandon in the past, continued afore cartoons were invented!”
Enjoy the games, everyone.
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